the calm heart will break if given a shake

At some point in our lives, we come across rude awakenings that can alter our perception about something or even worse, change our strongest convictions. I just had that point in my life and an exclamation point at that.

When someone new comes along like sunshine in your mundane life, you tend to loop your thoughts to that someone, give color to that someone’s every action and try to “piece” everything to make things sense when from the very start of it, you already had an assumption you flatter yourself to accept as true.

You try to tell yourself to be cautious, to not invest your fragile feelings all too easily. But then everything seems too enticing to resist because finally you have someone to look forward to see every day, someone to think about at night before sleeping, someone whose mere thought already makes you happy and makes your brain give off ludicrous amounts of endorphins. And for once, the love songs made sense.

So you mindlessly wear your heart on your sleeve.

Then a cruel shake hits you. Just because someone made the mistake of paying you a little of their attention, it does not mean it is attraction and even worse, you mix it up for affection. You convince yourself that sparks flew when truth is, there were only dust.

You got it all wrong and it’s not alright.

You make these mistakes all just because you are too impatient to wait much longer, because too much loneliness envelopes you and you think the only way to get out of it is to have someone who can make you happy.

Now, I realize that we could be making the mistake of trading the chance of meeting the true love of our life with settling for the person we deserve less.  When the heart gets too lonely, it can force itself to fall for anyone just to fill the void. Now it makes sense why there are many unhappy relationships and some people can’t get out of it because they are afraid that no one else can be there for them. Love can make you or break you.

 It may be a sad realization but I learned that love - in this time and world and as we grow older - becomes not unsolicited. I learned that in love, it’s impossible not to hope (even for a little) for something in return when we give.  Sad realities.

But then, I am a Leo, a Sanguine of temperament. It is of my very nature to be in love forever with love, to believe its grandeur, to have faith in fairytales, to still believe in the good despite everything. I cannot be totally cynical about love. I just can’t.

But on a positive note, I learned too that there are tons of fish in the water in the sea of possibilities. I learned that (how cliché it may sound) that you should really make yourself happy first before anyone else and that’s not easy but not impossible either. I learned that you can be young at any age so there’s no need to rush.

I know I sound contradictory. But at least now my vision is 20-20. I pray for the love that can truly vindicate its very essence.

Gaaahhh, too much love and cheesiness!!

Carry on, Anna.