At some point in our lives, we come across rude awakenings
that can alter our perception about something or even worse, change our
strongest convictions. I just had that point in my life and an exclamation
point at that.
When someone new comes along like sunshine in your mundane
life, you tend to loop your thoughts to that someone, give color to that
someone’s every action and try to “piece” everything to make things sense when
from the very start of it, you already had an assumption you flatter yourself
to accept as true.
You try to tell yourself to be cautious, to not invest your
fragile feelings all too easily. But then everything seems too enticing to
resist because finally you have someone to look forward to see every day,
someone to think about at night before sleeping, someone whose mere thought
already makes you happy and makes your brain give off ludicrous amounts of
endorphins. And for once, the love songs made sense.
So you mindlessly wear your heart on your sleeve.
Then a cruel shake hits you. Just because someone made the mistake
of paying you a little of their attention, it does not mean it is attraction
and even worse, you mix it up for affection. You convince yourself that sparks
flew when truth is, there were only dust.
You got it all wrong and it’s not alright.
You make these mistakes all just because you are too
impatient to wait much longer, because too much loneliness envelopes you and
you think the only way to get out of it is to have someone who can make you
happy.
Now, I realize that we could be making the mistake of trading
the chance of meeting the true love of our life with settling for the person we
deserve less. When the heart gets too
lonely, it can force itself to fall for anyone just to fill the void. Now it
makes sense why there are many unhappy relationships and some people can’t get
out of it because they are afraid that no one else can be there for them. Love
can make you or break you.
It may be a sad
realization but I learned that love - in this time and world and as we grow older
- becomes not unsolicited. I learned that in love, it’s impossible not to hope
(even for a little) for something in return when we give. Sad realities.
But then, I am a Leo, a Sanguine of temperament. It is of my
very nature to be in love forever with love, to believe its grandeur, to have
faith in fairytales, to still believe in the good despite everything. I cannot
be totally cynical about love. I just can’t.
But on a positive note, I learned too that there are tons of
fish in the water in the sea of possibilities. I learned that (how cliché it
may sound) that you should really make yourself happy first before anyone else
and that’s not easy but not impossible either. I learned that you can be young
at any age so there’s no need to rush.
I know I sound contradictory. But at least now my vision is
20-20. I pray for the love
that can truly vindicate its very essence.
Gaaahhh, too much love and cheesiness!!
Carry on, Anna.
